ARTICLES

The Peace of Self-Mastery

LOCAL PRIESTS ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT CHASTITY

By James McCoy

"I thought that continence arose from one's own powers," wrote St. Augustine in his Confessions. "I was foolish enough not to know ... that no one can be continent unless you grant it. For you would surely have granted it if my inner groaning had reached your hears and I with firm faith had cast my cares on you."

That is the first, indispensable step to keeping chaste, according to Father Marshall, a priest retired from the Diocese of Oakland: "really wanting to be chaste ... It's a gift from God in prayer."

But why would anyone want to be chaste? "Any chastity will only make sense with love," Father Marshall replied. "You'll never really love chastity unless you love Christ. Because it becomes an absurdity, humanly speaking, without Christ."

Christ's words at the Last Supper were, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." And his commandment about sexual intercourse is "very simple," Father Marshall said. "It's for marriage only, and nothing else."

Unmarried people must practice chastity by continence, that is, by refraining "from expressions of affection that belong to married love," as the Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it.

"Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is training in human freedom," states the catechism. "The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy." The catechism says that "Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality with the person...."

"Probably the original meaning" of chastity, said Father Mark Melone, "is one of wholeness." Father Melone is pastor of St. George Melkite-Greek Catholic Church in Sacramento. "You want to bring to the person a wholeness, a spiritual intactness," he said. "Certainly physical virginity is related to that, but there's more to virginity than just not having had sex." It's "a way of looking at things," which is "related very closely to ... the concept of spiritual soberness," Father Melone said.

The catechism calls this "purity of vision, external and internal." It's an integral part of the "battle for purity." What if someone has fought this battle and lost?

"I don't think that's an issue," Father Melone said. "As long as that element of humility is there, the concept of the spiritual battle, the process of at least fighting is the important thing."

"With God's grace," the catechism promises, "he will prevail: by the virtue and gift of chastity, for chastity lets us love with upright and undivided heart; by purity of intention...the baptized person seeks to find and to fulfill God's will in everything; by purity of vision, external and internal; by discipline of feelings and imagination, by refusing all complicity in impure thoughts that incline us to turn aside from the path of God's commandments: 'Appearance arouses yearning in fools' -- and by prayer."

Have you ever prayed to be chaste and it worked? "Yeah," replied Father Marshall, 64, "all my life. Like yesterday morning and last night and this morning."

"Self-mastery is a long and exacting work," says the catechism. "One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence."

"I think with young people," said Msgr. Steven Ottelini, president of Marin Catholic College Preparatory school in Kentfield, "sexuality has to do with acceptance, either self-acceptance or acceptance in the crowd. Being adolescents, they're looking for that ... An easy way to achieve it is through sexuality. But, of course it's a false achievement."

Like adolescents, homosexuals can see sexual sin as a way of fulfilling their intense craving for acceptance. Msgr. Ottelini was chaplain for a local Courage group for two years. Just as members of Alcoholics Anonymous pledge to never take another drink for the rest of their life, homosexuals in Courage have pledged to be continent for the rest of their life. "People in that group have accepted that as God's call," Ottelini said. "You have to get through the day with that. And when you do, it's a wonderful thrill that you cooperated with God's grace."

Based on his experience counseling homosexuals and adolescents, Msgr. Ottelini said that continence is possible through a serious prayer life, frequent Confession and Holy Communion, socializing (at least weekly) with chaste people, and keeping up platonic but real friendships.

Asked for an immediate step which a young Catholic can take towards keeping chaste, Ottelini immediately replied, "Not watch TV." Those who follow his advice report "a significant decrease" in temptations, he said.

Father Marshall agreed that "you do have to be very prudent. We have a lot of would-be heroes who end up being overcome by this."

What about guidelines for dating and courtship? "It would depend on the age of the person you're talking about," Msgr. Ottelini said. "Obviously, for adolescents, they have an easy trigger. Holding hands, kissing on the cheek--I would say that's about as far as they should go."

Father Melone said that couples seriously discerning marriage should remember that "the whole idea of marrying someone is that that person makes you happy ... (gives you) a sense of true joy ... and the person is good for you." If the couple is mindful of making those spiritual realities physically manifest, that will keep their expressions of affection chaste, he maintained. But he allowed that "there are certain lines that you don't go over."

What are they? "When you begin using the other person," Father Melone said. "And we'll leave it at that."

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